The trouble with long-term separations from people is that you have the illusion of knowing them, when if fact you only know how they were, not who they are.

As some of you know I have been largely estranged from my family for a long ling time.  I think I haven’t seen some of them for probably close to 19 years; longer than I knew them in the first place.

During that time there have been life events; weddings, the birth of children, the adoption of children, illnesses, funerals, divorces and achievements that have changed the very fabric of who we are all as human beings not to mention how we view the world and interact with others.  I do not know how to interact with some people from my past while others seem to be much clearer to me.

Tonight I asked someone something that I guess you shouldn’t ask people and no, it was not their salary. Because I figured I know this person, I felt comfortable asking them.  They were offended by my question.  I apologized and said Merry Christmas.  On one hand I feel sincerely bad that I managed to offend someone two days before Christmas and on the other hand I feel like I should walk on eggshells to be some perfect glowing light person.  If I offend someone in person I usually apologize on the spot and know what the person needs; space, a treat left on their desk, a hug etc.  I don’t know what this person needs in order to know I meant no harm.

I guess what I am saying is that even though the title of a certain relationship is still there doesn’t mean that the relationship, in the deeper sense, is still intact.  Kind of like diet ice cream; you can call it whatever you want; but it isn’t really ice cream.

I feel like I have one foot in one world and one in another.  I cannot pull them together to create one world.  Logically I know this to be true, but my heart doesn’t always accept this information as fact.