If you have sons

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like:-

1.A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 m2 house to a depth of 10 cm.

2.If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 60 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.

5.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as baseball a long way.

6.The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.

8.Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies,

10.Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11.Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.Super glue is forever.

13.No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14.Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.

15.electronics do not break on their own

16.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.

19.Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.The fire department in San Diego, has a 5-minute response time.

21.The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

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Toy Tuesday: Monchhichi (Oh So Soft & Cuddly)

too funny, I was just thinking about mine…

Childhood Relived

It so happens I had one of these furry flea-bitten spider monkey dolls.

Monchhichi

I’m not proud of it.

If you’ve been with me for a while, you’ll already know how I feel about monkeys.  You’ll know I have a long history of being repulsed by monkeys.

Whether this kind.

Scary Monkey

Or this kind.

Flying Monkey

You name it.

cymbal monkey

And then you might wonder why I owned a Monchhichi.

You might wonder why any kid would own a Monchhichi.

I can easily explain.

They have these holes in their heads.  In which you can stick their thumbs.  Or sometimes a peeled banana.  I saw a knock-off Monchhichi with a peeled banana in its hand that could fit inside its mouth and/or ear, and that seemed sanitary enough.  As opposed to its fingers which . . . aren’t.

So back to the holes.  We all know how kids like to stick random junk drawer items…

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My Promise

I promise to be honest on this blog and change the names when I feel like it.  Atonement people, atonement.  That is one reason I will not lie on here.  that does not mean you can leave a comment question and I will answer all of them; nice try.

I am embarking on a new journey and I want to document it and I am too damn lazy with a pen and paper.

I promise to tellit like it is or was

I promise to really try to see my part in things

I promise to not blame others as an easier way out

I promise to TRY not to speculate about all the reasons my Dad wants no contact with me

I promise if it gets too messy I will keep writing

I promise to try.

SO my blogs asked me “Are You Looking For Inspiration”

No.  I am not; I have enough on my plate right now frankly.  But what if I am shooting myself in the foot and my “blog mentor” had the big idea that would turn my blog into a much acclaimed movie?  LOGIC would say that isn’t going to happen becaus I am mostly processing a difficult life on here and it is about to GET MESSY UP IN HERE!

Skeletons be fallin out the closet yo!  LOL.  sorry, I had to.

20th reunion time heals all wounds?

I I received my 20th high school reunion paperwork in the mail this past Saturday; the funny thing is even though I was absolutely miserable in high school and I mean absolutely miserable I’m excited to go. I’m excited for my husband and my kids to see where I went to school and I’m excited for my friends to meet my family I just hope the school itself is ready for a two dad family you walking around.   I hold no grudges and I argue that is what is allowing me to be excited. I wish I could do this in rest of my life.

Funny, as a gay man who is married with two children you think that would be my biggest fear when in reality my biggest fear is that I will be the fattest one there.   haha.

that was Jason

Sometimes we meet someone and the connection is absolutely kinetic.  It follows every hollywood diagram of love throttling across each neuron and synapse.  That was Jason.  He was everything that I was but better, on the surface.  He was a DJ, he had a job, he had cool friends and cool clothes and was still earthy and he understood my hippie sensibility. He didn’t judge me and he had a gentle voice.   It was kismet.  All good things as well as the things we desperately need to be good but never will be must come to an end.  That was Jason.  Jason was a dervish, a whirling chaotic storm inside and though he tried I suppose he did more damage than good in my life.  I cannot forgot him and part of me will love him as one does an old T-shirt or graduation tassel; it serves no purpose but we are too afraid to let go of it, to shed the thing we believe holds our memories.  Jason ultimately committed a true act of abandonment, one I have never forgiven; quite possibly because I do not think I have the energy in me to face those feelings.  That was Jason.  He turned out to be selfish with his love and generous with his hurt.  

This came up because I bought him a backpack.  A red timberland backpack some 13 years ago.  I just washed the backpack and it has held up a lot better than most things do.  All the dirt came out and was clean and new again.  I want a new backpack but am not sure I can let this one go.  That is me; ever unable to let things go.