fathers oath

• I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things fatherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable.

• I shall not judge the father in the grocery store who, upon entering, hits the candy aisle and doles out M&Ms to his screaming child. It is simply a survival mechanism.

• I shall not compete with the father who plays football, builds tree houses, or never gets angry. Fatherhood is not a competition. The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.

• I shall not question the father who is wearing the same jeans, crocs and t-shirt he wore to school pickup the day before. He has good reason.

• I shall never claim to know everything about any child but my own. (Who still remain a mystery to me.)

• I shall babysit the new kids belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new father really wants.

• I shall attempt to not pass down my own father issues to my son. He deserves a father who loves and respects himself; shortcomings, confusion about sports and all.

• I shall not preach the benefits of timeout or reward charts or video game time or appropriate television or sleeping clothes or crying it out to a fellow father who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business.

• I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a right-winged, republican, NRA member child of my very own

• I shall remember that no father is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me.

 

I crossed two of them off, because I don’t babysit unless the child is asleep.  Dirty diapers I don’t mind.  Screeching I cannot handle. and the other one because If my children are kind and can support themselves then I was at a minimum, successful.